But i just feel like he will pull it out and ill panic. I mean its fairly basic. Up and down. But i feel like ill just freak out.
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
Randomize
