so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
Randomize
