we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
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