The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
I fill condoms, not promises.
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
