a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
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