New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
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