Its okay if i dont like him.his junk is just too good to resist.model penis,lame guy.
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
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