Barsexuality is the new black.
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
Randomize
