do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
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