Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
Randomize
