Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
Randomize
