i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
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