You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
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