Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
Randomize
