Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
