The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
