we have officially lost it.
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
Randomize
