How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
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