She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
Is her dick bigger than yours?
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
Randomize
