Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
