Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
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