True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
I need a hoe opinion
go on
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Randomize