The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
Randomize
