I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
Randomize
