Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
Randomize
