I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
Randomize
