I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
Randomize
