she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
Randomize
