Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
Randomize
