i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
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