I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
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