It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
Its like we are women, and boise state is a gangster rap song. This game is degrading
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
Randomize
