i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
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