the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
Randomize
