Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
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