1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
Randomize
