Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
Randomize
