The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
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