So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
Randomize
