i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize
