Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
Randomize
