I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
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