i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
He did a backflip because drugs
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
