Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
Randomize
