I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
Randomize
