I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
Randomize
