Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
Randomize
