did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
Randomize
