I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
Randomize
