Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
Randomize
