also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
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