She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
