ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
Randomize
