I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
My vagina is very pro this idea
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