my shit smells like andre
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
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