Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
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