You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
Randomize
