That's not ass to mouth..... That a rim job!! Are you telling me she licked your asshole?!
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
Randomize
