I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
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