I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
Randomize
