a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
Heybabeimwearingurpanties
So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
Randomize
