After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
Yes, it's true. 4 fingers.
Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
Randomize
