ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
Randomize