Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
Randomize
