My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
Randomize
