I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
Randomize
