He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
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