but the lizard people decide everything anyway
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
Randomize
