isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
Randomize
