Ikea night.
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Insert tab A into swedish slot B
People in love make me want to vomit
What I dont get about To Catch a Predator is who the fuck still uses chat rooms?
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
Randomize
