I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
worst night to have a conscience
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
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