I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
Randomize
